Comments for All Well Afloat

Comment on A living spring by Miss Maude

Miss Maude — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 04:07:19 +0000

While there are some aspects to this I find delightful, this ‘living spring’ seems to refer to the after flow of colonic irrigation – the style of writing that seems to be employed here. I suspect, as the result of trying to be too clever and the laborious tendencies of the author (I’m picking you’re under 22, n’est pas?). I’m all for the rich complexities of language, but this smacks of a little girl reading too much Winterson and Plath, caught up in the romanticism and not being able to let go.

Stop trying to be your idols and cut the crap. Somewhere in there might be half decent work, if you showed more control in your concepts.

Comment on Life: Field research by pansmith

pansmith — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 05:57:00 +0000

I LOVE this poem rachel
it reminds me of these people, do you know them?
http://www.janfamily.com/

Comment on First Kiss by allwellafloat08

allwellafloat08 — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 06:06:46 +0000

Just what Wellington needs; kissing is the new wind. ‘Wow, that was blustery’. ‘I’m not quite sure I like what they’re calling the French Southerly these days’. ‘That one really blew me away’… be still the puns. So one need not feel under the weather, as the currents come without warning, obey no schedule and turn up in poems in much the same way. As for the university, well, there’s that old line about fiction, the imagination and metaphor. In this light we will ever be innocent erotically avid female writers.

Comment on First Kiss by ali

ali — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 03:56:54 +0000

Well I like this although it made me feel a bit sad, probably because I forgot to schedule kissing for the trimester break. I like the way it goes with Tina’s ‘First Kiss’. . maybe ‘First Kiss’ should be a class exercise? Or would the university worry about letting 10 erotically avid female writers loose on the streets of Wellington (and selected North Island cities)?

Comment on Leaving Home by tina

tina — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 10:48:07 +0000

Hey Rachel!
I really enjoyed this. Enjoyed the earlier version too. But I can understand why you have cut the first half – it seems to get very clear and concise regarding ‘what its about’ in this second half. It was particularly clever how you included the five things in the earlier version – never would have thought to make them similes – and the Afghanistan thing. Brilliant.

My favourite para:
“A feeling like dirt crossed my cheek, as he flicked his coat back over his shoulders, the material scratching over me. Though not always in this way, such occurrences, the severity of accidental contact with his displeasure, was how he burrowed into me. In this way he dug, like some vivid, bright-skinned animal that disappeared into my nerves, my muscles, not even letting me glimpse its form. The only trace of its secret work was the powdery dust and small gravely itches that occasionally flew out of me, sometimes managing a small pile, like the tailings building from a mine.”
A beautifully rendered, and very real, description.

I’m glad I got to look at your work this way. This piece was more accessible to me than others. It could be that I had time to read it to myself and go back over bits, or it could be the prose structure. I sometimes need things spelled out!

Looking forward to checking out the rest of the blog…